"As my mind grew calmer, the viſions of Italy again returned with their former glow of colouring; and I reſolved on quitting the kingdom for a time, in ſearch of the cheerfulneſs, that naturally reſults from a change of ſcene, unleſs we carry the barbed arrow with us, and only ſee what we feel.
"During the period neceſſary to prepare for a long abſence, I ſent a ſupply to pay my father's debts, and ſettled my brothers in eligible ſituations; but my attention was not wholly engroſſed by my family, though I do not think it neceſſary to enumerate the common exertions of huma[111]nity. The manner in which my uncle's property was ſettled, prevented me from making the addition to the fortune of my ſurviving ſiſter, that I could have wiſhed; but I had prevailed on him to bequeath her two thouſand pounds, and ſhe determined to marry a lover, to whom ſhe had been ſome time attached. Had it not been for this engagement, I ſhould have invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I might have eſcaped the pit, ſo artfully dug in my path, when I was the leaſt aware of danger.
"I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but this ſtate of freedom was too peaceful to laſt, and I had ſoon reaſon to wiſh to haſten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the ſame attorney who had accompanied him in ſeveral excur[112]ſions to hunt me from my hiding places, waited on me to propoſe a reconciliation. On my refuſal, he indirectly adviſed me to make over to my huſband—for huſband he would term him—the greater part of the property I had at command, menacing me with continual perſecution unleſs I complied, and that, as a laſt reſort, he would claim the child. I did not, though intimidated by the laſt inſinuation, ſcruple to declare, that I would not allow him to ſquander the money left to me for far different purpoſes, but offered him five hundred pounds, if he would ſign a bond not to torment me any more. My maternal anxiety made me thus appear to waver from my firſt determination, and probably ſuggeſted to him, or his diabolical[113] agent, the infernal plot, which has ſucceeded but too well.
"The bond was executed; ſtill I was impatient to leave England. Miſchief hung in the air when we breathed the ſame; I wanted ſeas to divide us, and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had the means of helping him through a new ſcheme. Diſturbed by the late occurrences, I inſtantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was waiting for a maid-ſervant, who ſpoke French fluently, and had been warmly recommended to me. A valet I was adviſed to hire, when I fixed on my place of reſidence for any time.
"My God, with what a light heart did I ſet out for Dover!—It was not my country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart ſeemed to[114] bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on which they twirled. I claſped you to my boſom, exclaiming 'And you will be ſafe—quite ſafe—when—we are once on board the packet.—Would we were there!' I ſmiled at my idle fears, as the natural effect of continual alarm; and I ſcarcely owned to myſelf that I dreaded Mr. Venables's cunning, or was conſcious of the horrid delight he would feel, at forming ſtratagem after ſtratagem to circumvent me. I was already in the ſnare—I never reached the packet—I never ſaw thee more.—I grow breathleſs. I have ſcarcely patience to write down the details. The maid—the plauſible woman I had hired—put, doubtleſs, ſome ſtupifying potion in what I ate or drank, the morning I left town. All I know is,[115] that ſhe muſt have quitted the chaiſe, ſhameleſs wretch! and taken (from my breaſt) my babe with her. How could a creature in a female form ſee me careſs thee, and ſteal thee from my arms! I muſt ſtop, ſtop to repreſs a mother's anguiſh; left, in bitterneſs of ſoul, I imprecate the wrath of heaven on this tiger, who tore my only comfort from me.
"How long I ſlept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at the cloſe of day, in a ſtrange confuſion of thought. I was probably rouſed to recollection by ſome one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting to aſk where I was, my voice died away, and I tried to raiſe it in vain, as I have done in a dream. I looked for my babe with affright; feared that it had fallen out of my lap, while I had ſo ſtrange[116]ly forgotten her; and, ſuch was the vague intoxication, I can give it no other name, in which I was plunged, I could not recollect when or where I laſt ſaw you; but I ſighed, as if my heart wanted room to clear my head.
"The gates opened heavily, and the ſullen ſound of many locks and bolts drawn back, grated on my very ſoul, before I was appalled by the creeking of the diſmal hinges, as they cloſed after me. The gloomy pile was before me, half in ruins; ſome of the aged trees of the avenue were cut down, and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached ſome mouldering ſteps, a monſtrous dog darted forwards to the length of his chain, and barked and growled infernally.
"The door was opened ſlowly, and[117] a murderous viſage peeped out, with a lantern. 'Huſh!' he uttered, in a threatning tone, and the affrighted animal ſtole back to his kennel. The door of the chaiſe flew back, the ſtranger put down the lantern, and claſped his dreadful arms around me. It was certainly the effect of the ſoporific draught, for, inſtead of exerting my ſtrength, I ſunk without motion, though not without ſenſe, on his ſhoulder, my limbs refuſing to obey my will. I was carried up the ſteps into a cloſe-ſhut hall. A candle flaring in the ſocket, ſcarcely diſperſed the darkneſs, though it diſplayed to me the ferocious countenance of the wretch who held me.
"He mounted a wide ſtaircaſe. Large figures painted on the walls ſeemed to ſtart on me, and glaring[118] eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering a long gallery, a diſmal ſhriek made me ſpring out of my conductor's arms, with I know not what myſterious emotion of terror; but I fell on the floor, unable to ſuſtain myſelf.
"A ſtrange-looking female ſtarted out of one of the receſſes, and obſerved me with more curioſity than intereſt; till, ſternly bid retire, ſhe flitted back like a ſhadow. Other faces, ſtrongly marked, or diſtorted, peeped through the half-opened doors, and I heard ſome incoherent ſounds. I had no diſtinct idea where I could be—I looked on all ſides, and almoſt doubted whether I was alive or dead.
"Thrown on a bed, I immediately ſunk into inſenſibility again; and next day, gradually recovering the uſe of reaſon, I began, ſtarting affrighted[119] from the conviction, to diſcover where I was confined—I inſiſted on ſeeing the maſter of the manſion—I ſaw him—and perceived that I was buried alive.—
"Such, my child, are the events of thy mother's life to this dreadful moment—Should ſhe ever eſcape from the fangs of her enemies, ſhe will add the ſecrets of her priſon-houſe—and—"
Some lines were here croſſed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptly with the names of Jemima and Darnford.
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